Sometimes I wonder why we subject ourselves to relationships and crushes that are seemingly unobtainable yet have some iota of hope - they are all so masochistic and inevitably end up leaving nothing but a heart shattered. At least this is the case for me; I always seem to allow my heart to fall for someone that, even though it seems that a relationship will blossom, is an unrealistic significant other.
Are there really leagues and if so, what league do I fall in? What is "out of my league" and what kind of guy falls into that category? Are all of the guys that I fall for qualify as such? These are the questions that wreak havoc in my mind on a daily basis.
Why do I love the idea of love so damn much? Why are we born with some predisposition for such a lethal emotion? Is it for everyone or just select "elite" group. Suppose it's not for the faint of heart? Oh well, one shouldn't dwell on such a depressing topic for long, so I'm going to move along.
Well, today was a great day! I met up with one of my long lost friends that I met several years ago, the last time I ventured to California. That was a nice reunion, indeed.
Day 7 (or 6... whatever)
Dear [insert ex-boyfriend's name here],
I miss you so much. I think about you often, as stupid as I was to fall in love with you. And to think that I actually shared something far too special to have wasted it on you. Fuck you. That's really about all I have to say. Maybe. I loved you and probably still do. I compare every guy I meet to you. You told me that you loved me yet you were in love with your other boyfriend, right? The one that you were fucking that night when you called me and you were shit-faced to tell me that it wouldn't work out becuase you were screwing him at that very moment. You even let him speak to me while you two were "in the act." You bitch. I hate you - yet I love you. Why? Why do I let myself love you. Probably because I've had about 9 Smifnoff Ices and two glasses of wine and I'm crying, singing Loretta Lynn (don't judge me, damn it!)
Anyway, I'm done wasting thoughts on you, bitch. Hope you have a nice life.
I loved you,
Till next time:
Be kind to yourself and others.
This above all: to thine own self be true.