Okay, I know that my posts are usually light-hearted or satirical but I believe that it is time to get real. Tonight I watched a movie called "Prayers for Bobby" for the first time. If you've watched it, you could only imagine the mood that I'm in at the moment. Below this are the links to all parts of the movie in its entirety. I ask that, even if you've seen it, to watch it. Watch it and feel it, put yourself in the shoes of the young man, Bobby.
I shouldn't be so open online, but let me get a little more real:
There is more in common between Bobby and I than I like to ever talk about. Many times have I almost followed Bobby - don't think I've not contemplated suicide at some point in my past. All of my life I've been told that homosexuality is a disease, that it's an abomination, etc. How do you think that I could possibly feel as a person, as a Christian, about this news? On more occasions than one have I been so close to giving my life up simply because it is so much fucking easier to not even exist that it is to have to put up with the bullshit that is bigotry.
Even more recently, with everything coming to the surface, I've contemplated it again. No, it's not something I will do - so no need to run to a therapits. But this is real. The pain of knowing that my own family will more than likely reject me simply because I am gay is nearly unbearable. Countless nights have passed that I've spent hours crying, weeping even, hoping to change - to be healed... not even knowing that nothing was wrong. Thinking that something worse than homosexuality was wrong with me because I couldn't change! I've spent far too many days, weeks, months in depression thinking that I was damned. Please note how real this feeling is - you don't understand what I'm talking about, I am certain, becasue you have no fucking clue what it is like to be so different and so wrong and so hated...
I simply ask.. beg you to watch this movie. It is in 8 parts, all about 10 minutes or so on Youtube. It is worth your time - I promise. Watch it, embrace it. Cry as I have cried. Understand as much as possible what is feels like - and understand how close I have become (along with hundreds and thousands of others) to being a "Bobby".
Part 1 of 8:
http://www.youtube.c om/watch?v=yfNvJ5NQe O0
Part 2 of 8:
http://www.youtube.c om/watch?v=SuHyun2wC 94
Part 3 of 8:
http://www.youtube.c om/watch?v=40AEPSXRN -M
Part 4 of 8:
http://www.youtube.c om/watch?v=bKoNjGufU co
Part 5 of 8:
http://www.youtube.c om/watch?v=gt8uuKd2x tk
Part 6 of 8:
http://www.youtube.c om/watch?v=w5QgKWMqQ 3E
Part 7 of 8:
http://www.youtube.c om/watch?v=VJ1AcNH81 vc
Part 8 of 8:
http://www.youtube.c om/watch?v=FHjvrC2Gd ks