Wednesday, December 29, 2010

More to Come:

Okay, so I've neglected my blog for a few days - but I can ensure you that there is much more to come!

I have much to discuss, much to rant about, and plenty of nonsensical blathering.

Until then, I love you all! :-D

Friday, December 24, 2010

We All Need A Little Christmas...

As the song says, we all need a little Christmas... right?

I suppose.

As this holiday of wonder and merriment and glee (Glee!) and all of those other fluffy and delightful adjectives quickly approaches (tomorrow), I've started to ponder. What am I pondering, you ask? I'm pondering *thunder and lightning* how to take over the world!

No, seriously; what does Christmas mean to you? If you read this, post your answer in a comment below this post. But since I've asked I can only do the kindest of favors and share with you how Christmas has evolved in my life and what it has, unfortunately in some instances, grown to mean.


When I was a wee little one, Christmas was "the most wonderful time of the year" and was a day that I anticipated all year long. Not for the presents, not for the cookies and deserts, but for the decorations. I loved decorating my house and Christmas tree(s), my Granny's tree, and then if I was lucky, my Grandma's tree! Every year I would insist on my parent's driving me around so I could see all of the lights around town. My Grandpa and I would drive to Garden Ridge and other stores and places to look at decorations to add to our conglomeration - it was a passion that I know that I acquired from him (RIP Grandpa).

This continued until I was in 4th grade - when I woke up Christmas morning and new something was wrong. My dad was acting strange and my mom was gone - and she never left before our "family pictures" and before I opened my presents, but she claimed that she had to go clean her parent's house - which even I could see through - as usual. The events to follow are memories that I think would be best to keep from you though I would share in a one-on-one situation. But as the day ended, I was sitting in my room at my Granny's alone, afraid, and crying. My mom and dad had a fight, they split up, and would never be back together again. As sad, scared, and confused as I was - there was still hope. I knew that I wouldn't have to endure the things that I had endured growing up anymore - but I knew there was other hell(s) to ensue. Oh, now that's an understatement.

After this day, my view of Christmas (aside from the religious/Christian aspect of Christmas) began to change. It slowly progressed from a magical day to just another day. A day to remember the end to such a disaster. And end to something that I believed was my fault. It was a day that I wanted to forget - and for a few years, a day that I would neglect and attempt to hide from.

That went on for several years until I moved back to Starke and began making friends and attending FBC. Singing in the choir, making healthy, stable friends, etc. helped me to regain what I thought I had long lost.

Now when Christmas comes around, in some attempt to remember what I felt when I was a child, I put up my Christmas Tree(s), decorate my house/apartment, and listen to the music that made me smile those (not-so-long) years ago. I burn the wonderful candles, cook the scrumptious goodies, and go look at all of the lights - and forge some haphazard smile.

Yet here I sit: alone, surrounded by Christmas lights, presents, and candles... wondering what the next year will bring. Have I been successful this year? Have I used my time wisely? Why do I feel stuck? What's missing? What did I fail to do? What can I change about next year? Is Christmas a time to remember the end of the year is near - and bring it all to a close? Or should I save that for New Year's Eve?

That's all for now, my loves.



Thursday, December 23, 2010


Oh geez.

So I've worked two 12-hour days in a row. I'm sorry for not blogging. :-(
One 12-hr day left, and then I can blog freely! Yay!

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

The Marrow of Life: "Carpe-ing" the "Diem"

The marrow of life...

I went into the woods because I wanted to live deliberately. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of put to rout all that was not life; and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.
Henry David Thoreau

It seems so easy to get caught up in the hell that goes on in and around us, neglecting to enjoy the moments in life that should make it all worth living and to let life pass by without experiencing that moment when one realizes the purpose and meaning of this brief span of existence. I suppose it it first necessary for one to decide which is more important: the destination or the journey.

The destination:
Everyone in life has a belief of some sort - even if they deny a "higher power" - a belief is still maintained. For some the destination of life is a heavenly afterlife whilst for others it's simply death. No matter what the belief, we all die. No matter how good or bad, how poor or rich, how successful or unsuccessful a person - that person still dies. Now, I'm not advocating living a life of mediocrity of any sort, but I do have a point. There are certain things in life that isn't worth the stress that we submit ourself to endure - most of which we worry about and never even comes to past. Why worry and stress over things that will simply pass by and soon be a distant memory. Sure, at the time it can be hard to endure, but put into perspective isn't worth it.

The journey:
The journey is life. It's the good times and the bad; the fortunes and the flaws; the love and the hate - it's our purpose. The journey should be our reason for living. If we live solely for what is to come we miss what we already have. It's important to set goals, yes. But the key to doing so is to be able to see what you want to obtain or what is to come and use what you have now to grasp it and handle it accordingly - being sure to be aware of the "here and now". If you neglect the "now", you are sure to miss out. If you neglect the future, you will have no direction. A healthy conglomeration of both is ideal: enjoy your life, your journey, and what you have while planning for what is to come.

Remember, it's not all about how much you accomplish, but about how hard you work and how true you are to what you want that matters. Live life with your heart, your soul, your self.

Okay, enough of that ranting bullshit for tonight, I suppose. I call it bullshit in light of how serious it truly is - I know. I believe everything that I've stated and this serves solely as an outlet for me to vent. What would be the fun in keeping all of my thoughts to myself. After all, I type all of this out for me, not for all of you to read. :-) Though I do love you all, dearly!

You know, lately life has decided to throw at me a number of hella-crazy trials that have sent me into a frenzy; a mental break-down of sorts!

It's nearly one in the morning. I'll wake up tomorrow before slaving away at work to update everyone on these events. I need to rant, you obviously want to read: it works for us both, I suppose.

I love you all dearly!


*disclaimer* I've read the blog and have seen several grammatical/spelling/syntax errors but am too lazy to fix them. Sorry, loves.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

So, what's up with all of this DADT talk?

So, what's up with all of this DADT talk going on?

In case you have yet to be informed, DADT was repealed by both the House and the Senate and has been sent to the Office of the President to be signed. I think that it's quite obvious that even though Don't Ask, Don't Tell has been repealed, it will remain an "unspoken rule" for quite some time. I'm very excited, however, about the doors that are now being opened for the homosexual community because of this monumental breakthrough. I am very pleased with this and am excited to see what the future holds for our civil rights. In lieu of all of this excitement, bigots around the country are lighting their torches and sharpening their pitchforks, I can assure you. The light may be visible, but is still quite a ways away.

So there has been a quote that I've stumbled upon lately that keeps coming to memory:
"Only a man who has felt ultimate despair is capable of feeling ultimate bliss"

Lately, it seems as if the world will never brighten and that tomorrow will be just as shitty as today. It seems as if the forces of the universe have decided that my life will be a metaphor of eternal damnation - and as "doom-n-gloom" as it may sound - it is true. In every storm, however, is hope. This quote has had quite the impact following recent "unfortunate" events in my crazy life - and I've been able to realize that everything that I'm going through is shaping me for the next trial and one day I will be able to know that I'm a strong, strong-willed, well built, and sound person because of everything that I've been through and because of such pain that I've endured, I will be able to understand the truth in the happiness that I will one day acquire.

"Happiness" - a word that has taken on so many different meanings in life. I have ultimately decided that it is now time for my own "happiness". Time to life for Kris, and for Kris alone. Not to become selfish and to be ignorant but to work at establishing my own life. I have to learn to love from a distance, to make decisions based on my needs and wants, and to disconnect in order to grow and establish what I will one day accomplish. I have goals and dreams and unless I start pursuing them, I will never succeed... So what is happiness? Is it being content with what you have? Is happiness having everything you want? Is there any conglomerate at the two that accurately defines "happiness"? Can it even be truly obtained?

Obviously I've been doing far too much thinking as of late. Dammit to hayull.

Well - for tonight I will be off to bed. I know my rant is fairly incoherent tonight - which I will attribute to the clock notifying me that it is indeed post 2am. I feel as if this is sufficient enough for the moment. There shall be more (more concise, coherent) blogging tomorrow in which I shall discuss the most risqué of topics, or so I hope. Until tomorrow, my loves:


Bye Bye Blackbird...

Ahoy, Ahoy!

Ah, yes. Did you know that this is the greeting that Alexander G. Bell first thought appropriate when one answers the phone? Ridiculous.


Anyways - so I've returned. Yes, my fellow creeper(s), for a more permanent stay this time! I promise!

So, I've decided to finish the blog project that I started oh-so-long ago! It's about damn time, I know. (Yes, I'm talking to you Mr. Guess)


I was accepted for admission to NEW YORK UNIVERSITY for FALL 2011!!! I'm waiting on my scholarship that I have slaved over (a massive compilation of writing) and should know before the Spring semester if I will be receiving this amazing award. If not, then I shan't be enrolling at NYU.

So here are my options: Receive the scholarship and transfer in August (the best option, in my opinion) or move to Northern California (Crescent City) in April when my lease is up here in Gainesville. Either option is amazing and will provide for a chance to grow and learn like never before - though it is my dream to live and school in New York City! OMG! (gay-moment, I know.)

Oh, I no longer work at Tropical (Hell) Smoothie but an a Sales Associate at Spencer's Gifts (I know, right?) and am an Assistant Manager at The Body Shop (check it out, ya'll. It's boss fa sho!)

I passed all of my courses this past semester with flying colors (A+, A+, A, A, B+) and am so excited to see what next semester holds for me and my future.

This semester has given me the opportunity to make so many new friends! I didn't think I'd become "social", but you know me - I'm a "talker" so I've made many friends anew. Pwn'd. Ah, how I've loved it. I can't believe I've actually been living on my own and supporting myself. How freaking scary!

Oh, so tonight at the mall there was some sort of bomb threat and we all had to evacuate and apparently there was some sort of fire that was in relation to the bomb threat - it was quite the interesting series of events - but the male firefighters were my favorite spectacle of the evening! :-)

Okay, so my next blogs will be much more meaningful than this mindless banter, but I figured that I would cease the moment and update my love(s) on my life. But for now, I've decided to continue my "Daily" confession project that I started some time ago. Here's what I've already accomplished and what I've yet to do:

Day 1 — Your Best Friend

Day 2 — Your Crush

Day 3 — Your parents

Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)

Day 5 — Your dreams

Day 6 — A stranger

Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush

Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend

Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet

Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to

Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to

Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain

Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you

Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from

Day 15 — The person you miss the most

Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country

Day 17 — Someone from your childhood

Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be

Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad

Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest

Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression

Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to

Day 23 — The last person you kissed

Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory

Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times

Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to

Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day

Day 28 — Someone that changed your life

Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to

Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

So, in lieu of all of this:

Day 10:

Dear Auntie,

Oh goodness. So how is it that we are so close yet only talk like eight times a year. What the hell is wrong with us? We need communication. How are we supposed to stay in the "loop" if we don't keep up the talking, bitch! I love you - and could very well soon live with you - we should chit-chat a bit more, don'tcha think? I thunk'd so too. Call me, gurl.

Love you, Auntie!


Saturday, December 11, 2010

Chillin in the gym... A little tipsy... Aychin scary movie 4 with brandi and erica. Oh geez

Sunday, December 5, 2010